DID HE FORGIVE YOU?

Middle aged women with boxy haircuts and rotund, American bodies discussing second marriages and the adjustments (called 'training periods,' humorlessly) with despairingly less wit and insight than most 19 and 20-year olds I know. It must be hard, I imagine, to be old with no wisdom in the bank.

I can't help but imagine what these women were like at my age. I imagine "silly little girls" who think well-roundedness is just lines on a resume, pop-fiction is high art, oral sex is scandalous and intellectual curiosity is met by a morning radio talk show. They probably believe that they intend to read more books when find the time, and that deep down they are as smart and interesting as anybody.

It is easier to imagine them as people I would never need to know; the alternative is that it could happen to anyone.

IF I COULD HAVE IT BACK, ALL THE TIME THAT WE WASTED, I'D ONLY WASTE IT AGAIN

Is the Christian doxology aimed at truth? Once one accepts that a thing must be true, no experience in the world is immune to manipulation towards a forgone conclusion. Check out the Christian Posts top 10 news stories of 2011 and see if you can spot a few surprises.

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Earlier today, I considered unfriending all vocal Christians on Facebook. This came on the heels of one of my cousins (a person I love dearly though we do not speak often) declaring in her status a desire to unfriend anyone who frequently posts about failing relationships, drugs, sex, partying, and other such topics. The same cousin routinely posts paragraph long, proud statuses of her own thanking God for everything good, blaming Satan for everything bad, and reaffirming her obeisance to the almighty.

I guess that if I had to choose, I would rather read lame statuses about people's sucky real lives.

Tuneage: The Suburbs by Arcade Fire

I NEED MORE BOOZE

Last night I was visited by my bright dream muse. She was young and blonde, aggressive and powerful. She would let me cuddle her and put her arms around my waist in the front row of the relevant concert.

"Should I get an alarm from the grocery store on our way home tonight?" I said.
"I don’t care," she said, "I’m not going to sleep with you, remember?"
"I remember. I said, but lately I’ve been reconsidering it."

She said that she wouldn’t sleep with me because I couldn’t tell her how to save money on her cable bill.

"I don’t have cable," I said. "I don’t watch TV."
"What do you do?" she said.
"I read," I said. She liked that. She wouldn’t sleep with me because I couldn’t repair her kitchen stove or cook her a meal using just the pipes. She wouldn’t sleep with me because I couldn’t open a difficult box that had been warped out of shape. She said, I don’t need you because you’re older and I can already do anything you can. She said it, and I knew I had been wasting my life.


So what can you do? I recited Howl from memory. But even that was wrong. I found a book of poems in her bedroom and read Howl from the page and the words were completely different. I on her bed sulking surrounded by posters of Ashley Simpson and Liz Light.

I woke up knowing that today was a good day for art.

HAPPY FRIENDSGIVING Y'ALL

White Denim - Drug

WHO BET "YES - CAIN" ON INTRADE?

More details come to light about Herman Cain's 13 year-long (alleged) affair.

Just curious: if all of these sexual misconduct scandals hadn't come to light, would conservatives still be pretending they were going to vote for Herman Cain? I find that hard to believe. Still, even among this year's field of would-be presidents, Mr. Cain's fall from grace has been especially meteoric, likely ruining not only his political hopes, but his chances at getting a job anywhere AND his personal life. This is the part where we joke that "it couldn't have happened to a nicer fella."

Well? Anybody?

Tunes tonight:

Friends - Friend Crush by snipelondon

JESUS CAMP

Downloaded and watched Jesus Camp today, a 2006 documentary about the effort of an Evangelical organization to indoctrinate brainwash raise enthusiasm for God as well as familiarity with the contemporary social and p olitical implications of their religion's beliefs as expounded by its current leading voices. To summarize: God is good, gays are gross, science is stoopid, George W. Bush is awesome (no, really), terrorists suck but have the right attitude (no... really), and abortion.

The children, for their part, are equal measures of adorable and sp00ky. The sincerity of a child's faith is a truly singular thing. Seeing those smiles on their faces and exhuberant tears in their eyes gave me a counterintuitive gut reaction that what was going on here is okay, even though my intellect screamed and clawed in horror. The whole film is very moving and challenging and I would recommend it to anyone with a stronger curiosity than gag-reflex.


More to come...

ZEN AND SKIN MAINTENANCE

Sara,

My love, I have chosen to write you a letter during the day because I have failed, at times, in articulating myself off the cuff on most frustrating matters, to wit, skin maintenance.

                When I was in high school, I suffered from frequent acne breakouts. I tried many products and took many trips to the dermatologist, but nothing seemed to control this adolescent affliction. Of course, a lack of diligence and patience was perhaps the biggest obstacle between me and the clear skin I desired. After all, by the cruelty of an apathetic and unloving god, this aesthetic development coincided with my discovery of girls and things of a sexy nature. What good was a skin treatment if it didn't help me tomorrow, when tomorrow I still had to go to school and take off my hat before entering the building? Was it not enough, I wondered, that my developing body cut an awkward figure in the unflattering Oakridge School boy's uniform? In puberty, enough is never enough.

                My condition persisted through college, though breakouts eventually became less frequent and less severe. Additionally, the freedom proffered by young adulthood permitted me to wear hats over my forehead and silly stickers on my cheek. In the worst case scenario, when that awful vainity of mine was unduly threatened, I could always skip class altogether and take a few "Don days" to recover. I have skipped birthdays. I have skipped presentations. Machi once would not speak to me for months because I cancelled as her escort the morning of her friends' wedding. I have never told anyone this, but anxiety over my skin was the first powerful deterrent to my seeking out regular employment. Although I am no longer as burdened by my skin, the insecurity is deeply imbedded into my psyche, partly informing my aversion to the "day job" in ways I cannot fully perceive or control.

These anxieties have been mostly conquered thanks chiefly to my relationship with you. You have seen me at my best and worst in so many ways that it just seems silly to lock myself in my room every time I have a pimple or two. But I still want to look my best. I know how to do it. I should wash my face twice a day every day and probably use some sort of mask treatment once or twice a week. I should drink enough water because my skin is prone to drying and dry skin is more easily damage. I should avoid sleeping on my face or with my face in my hands because unblocked pores are happy pores. I should do all of these things knowing that there will always be elements of my skin that are beyond my control and that breakouts will still happen.

That's not on me. I am not the master of everything. To be my best, I must only work to master what I can (in this and many other ways).

Tracks tonight: That M83 didn't already have a song called Midnight City is hard to wrap my head around.

Midnight City by M83

FRACKING, CAPITAL PUNISHMENT & WEED

I got side-tracked earlier today on a challenge from a man I knew in college. Because I love pretending that I have nothing better to do, I accepted. Because I haven't blogged in a long time, I'm posting the results here for public scrutiny. It's not like I nailed this shit or anything, either. In total, this took about 40 minutes.

The rules of today's challenge stipulate the following:

• all responses have to be made on the fly (no research allowed - no exceptions)
• Guessing is okay. Lying is okay (if you don't get caught).
• choice of topics is the privilege of the challenger
• responses must be completed in a single sitting.

Stem Cell Research:

Sadly, I did not save a copy of my response to this, although it was my favorite. The gist, however, is that no matter where you land on where life begins or the morality of abortion, there are a number of proven methods to create a line of embryonic stem cells that do not involve the destruction of embryos. There is room for compromise in this matter of policy without compromise in values if people would just pay attention to the facts.

On Hydraulic Fracturing:

Hydraulic fracturing is the use of a high-pressure fluid solution to break up earth to facilitate the commercial extraction of natural gas. My position on the topic is somewhat at odds with itself. On the one day, fracking is not inherently unsafe. Ideally it should be done with pure water far from any sources of water of a population. On the other hand, safety issues arise because frackers tend to save money and boost performance by using solutions than regular H2O, solutions which contain hazardous chemicals, and do it in locations where natural gas could find its way into public water supplies. Public policy could be changed to deincentivize these practices. On an anatomically implausible third hand, I feel like we would be better off using public funds to incentivize renewable energy development, rather than dump it into a palliative like dirty domestic energy.

 On Capital Punishment:

I don't know how I feel about capital punishment. When you take a look at states like Texas, my home state, it is easy to see the execution numbers as excessive. It is even sobering to consider how many death row inmates are innocent, or at least undeserving of the harshest sentencing. However, the alternative seems to be to provide room and board for such criminals for their entire lives on the taxpayer's dime. And lets not kid ourselves, this is money we'd all like to see spent doing something more positive, whether that means strengthening our public schools or just keeping our hands warm in our pockets. Of course, its callous to suggest we should kill off people to brighten up our balance sheets. Also, as we are all members of a society, are we not collectively responsible for the conditions that help create many of our criminal offenders?

On the Legalization of Marijuana:

Does prohibition work? Marijuana is a drug, true. But people use it voluntarily. Decades of studies have failed to support allegations that it is physically addictive, particularly when compared to a number of other substances that enjoy legal status in this country. Decades of studies have failed to support allegations that it has harmful physical effects, including long-term impaired brain function or cancer, quite unlike certain substances which enjoy legal status in this country. Rather than introducing an argument for why marijuana should be legalized, the onus should be on those who would justify its continued prohibition. For what reason does our country intrude of the personal freedom to safely enjoy a drug?

I am inclined, at this point, to take note that the cost of enforcing the prohibition on marijuana is high. It is high in dollars spent by local, state and federal law enforcement agencies to surveil and arrest offenders. It is high in resources to the these governments to try and inter offenders. It is high in less tangible ways to all sorts of offenders, particularly those who commit no other crimes but possession and distribution, to be treated like criminals. It is high in the public safety concerns it fosters by essentially creating a black market for the product: it forces even casual marijuana user to become involved with drug dealers, and drug dealers to resort to further crimes in the course of their industry because their government affords them no legal alternatives.

Naturally, a major concern about legalizing marijuana is that the public will be less safe if everyone is high all the time. However, we already have a framework, vis-a-vis alcohol and certain pharmaceuticals, for addressing drug abuse and unsafe behaviors. It could certainly be argued, given the incidence rate of drunk driving-related accidents alone, that existing measures do not go far enough. That is, however, can be a wholly different discussion from which we could arrive at policy measures that actually have a chance at working.

Note:

If anyone else wants to play, I propose: gay marriage (no pun intended); tax-hike for the rich; "teach the controversy."

or, for non-wonks: ethics of online piracy; existence of God; the origin of homosexuality

CUZ ART DOESN'T PAY FOR ITSELF

Some days I make dollars. Some days I make art. You can measure the difference in empty wine bottles on the counter.

GOLDEN AGE

Take it from Amanda: we have reached a weird age.

I’ve been settling into life in St. Louis with the girlfriend. As it turns out, taking a month off of work while supporting a social life in three cities is a major financial risk at #thisage. The month of September was rewarding in more ways that I can describe. However, an abundance of available freelance work upon my return to normalcy was not part of the benefits package. As a result, the girlfriend has been footing my share of the bills more often than we would like.

Every weekday, she jumps out of bed at the crack of dawn, assembles a stunning work power-outfit, kisses me goodbye and drives off to the office. An hour or so later, I crawl reluctantly out from udner the covers, shimmy into some worn jeans and a sweatshirt I’ve owned since college, make some lunch, clean the living room or do the week’s dishes, play with the cat, commit us to some social engagements, and ask the girlfriend what time she’s getting home so I can get started on dinner.

 Is "housewife" a controversial term?

Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans (Penguin Prison Remix) by Penguin Prison