When I was young, but not that young because this was after The Girl I liked killed herself, I used to say that if things were ever so bad you were ready to do a thing like that, you should do anything else instead. Dissappear. Change your name. Join a travelling circus. Whatever. Declare your whole life a sunk cost and just start over. I hadn't realized then that we take our pain with us—that it is in ourselves, and not our circumstances, where we really get trapped when things go dark. I thought I was clever and had cured suicide.
I'm 28 now, still clever. I like Karen O. I don't write in this blog as often as I should.
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